i'm now 17
finish a paper so i pass 11th grade english
school's over
ACTs
college searches
republican boy likes me? ha why....
trashy boy is gone, he loves his ex. hah none for me thanks.
seniors 09 bitches.

working most of summer
shore on the weekends
10 days in Israel

she has grown up like whoa.
in love.
lost it.
one week.
i can't believe it.

Red clothes, white clothes, jumping out of windows.  White bags being supplied.  Angry scruffy gay men in headquarters.  An imaginary place that i made up.  Running away from the law, being in trouble waking up to my alarm, thinking it was a siren.  They found us. we're fucked.

my weekend was super strange.
filled with a boy from new york, condoms, crazy cab drivers, trains, hiding alcohol, dancing, crying, kissing, hugging, no bras, best friends, jewish, community service, family and strange next mornings.

i need to stop saying "when i grow up" and actually start to grow up a bit.

i just realized how I don't talk to some of my closest friends from last year.

i work too much and sleep to little.

originally i tried to keep you in my life
then i decided to kick you out of it
but you werent' ready to leave and made me feel super guilty about everything i did

now we're past everything that happened, and you fall into old habits
bringing things up that make my skin crawl and eyes water.

i hate you.
what part of that don't you understand?

i've been staying out of trouble
life isn't fun
i gots no friends
no social life
no boy
no nothing

i need to get a move on and pull myself together.

phil lesh concert was super rad.
i had a great time!!
i spent the entire time with emily, dave and josh.
it would have been awkward if we made it awkward
the atmosphere was amazing and loving and smokey =]
so many old school hippies, there were even families there who brought their little babies
it really put a huge smile on my face to see that.

after the show i ended up sleeping in josh's dorm.
with josh and dave
me and josh slept on the floor next to each other
dave slept in a chair.

i met josh's new girlfriend
her name is Caiti, she's really nice and we seemed to ahve a lot in common
she let me borrow pjs!!!
and we both wanted to be he pink power ranger and wanted on the green/white one =D
and believe in karma, and being nice and stuff.

she gave me some pretty cigarettes too!!
they are super colourful, and make me happy
they are just OKAY though.
whatever.

we pretty much stayed up talking stuff until about 5, when she went back to her room, and me a josh decided to sleep.

the last thing i hear before i fell asleep was
'don't touch each other you to'
dave said it.
hahahah. it made ma laugh, but i felt sad too.

i'm totally over josh, i was over him before we ended, but theres something that lingers when i am aroudn him. i miss him, and care about him.
i definately lost him though.
this new girl is better then me, it seems
he said they talked about getting married and that he LOVES her.

i've been replaced.



OH

and it seems as though my two most recent exboyfriends seem to have a thing with girls who have blue hair and nose rings.

whats with that??

the begining of another stressful week.




1. Do you hate your last boyfriend/girlfriend?
no, i just met his new girlfriend.

2. When is the last time you took a nap?
sat

3. Do you only drink bottled water?
not always

4. Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend mad?
yeah

5. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
probs rachel

6. To text you?
josh

7. To send you a Myspace message?
lizzie

8. Who was on your mind most today?
this kid.

9. Are you happier single or to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
it depends on a lot of things, i generally like to have a boyfriend though. so i'm happier when i have a boyfriend.

11. Think your ex feels the same about you?
i'm not really sure anymore.

12. Do you have cingular?
nope.

13. Have you dated people who were not good to you?
sort of.

14. How will you spend your next birthday?
no idea, i'll be 17, DAMN.

15. Do you wear makeup?
not really anymore. but i do somtimes

16. Are you missing someone?
kind of.

17. Do you like to snowboard?
i've never had the chance to try it

18. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
most of the time.

19. What instant messaging service do you use?
AIM.

20. Would you believe your ex if she/he said they love you?
i'm not sure, he recently told me he still did, but he loves this new girl too. (its sort of sketch.

21. Most hated food?
gross food

22. Favorite color?
rainbow!!

23. Would you date your best friend?
hasn't that happened? sure,i guess.

24. Who was your favorite teacher in middle school?
dude, idk.

26. Have you ever had a panic attack?
yes but not too bad

27. What color is your hair?
brownnn.

29. How many siblings do you have?
1 little sister

31. Things you would want in a relationship?
happiness, honesty all that jazz

32. What do you want most right now?
a boyyyy

33. What is a major pet peeve of yours?
when people are tapping, and its not a steady rhythm. thats drives me totally nuts.

35. What are you doing tonight?
work, and homework and a music lesson

36. Are you happy right now?
i' not sad, but im not like super happy

40. Do you have wood, tile or carpet in your bedroom?
carpet.

41. Do you have a hidden stash of candy somewhere?
nope

42. Do you have over 100 CDs?
yes

43. What are you wearing right now?
jeans, scarf, a grayish girl tshirt jawsnsky and socks

44. Is your phone right beside you?
its actually charging on the desk beside me

45. Are you cold?
yeah , its freezing!!

46. What will you be doing in 2 hours?
being at school

47. Recently done anything you regret?
i don't think so.

48. Ever trip over your own feet?
story of my life

49. Favorite color pen ink to use?
black.

50. Do you wish someone would call you?
i want someone to txt me, school is boring

a few nights ago we talked
he said he still loved me, and cared and whatever
i told him i still like him somtimes, and he said he still liked me
but we both need to move on.
truth?

i saw yesterday on facebook he has a new girlfriend
he mentioned that he was "involved" with someone
but i know he's not into the girlfriend thing
i just feel stupid and young and annoying

i'm really excited for Phil Lesh tonight
so many people are going!!!

but i'm supposed to stay at josh's with dave...
maybe i'll stay at emily's?
but maybe not.


i just KNOW its going to be awkward with me and him.
and i'm not looking forward to meeting his new gf, who i'm sure i'll see



i guess i'll have a good time even though i'll have this cloud possible cover my sunshine

that happend last night.

i'm so stressed i'm on the verge of tears.

and i'm worried that the person i'm thinking of was the one who died.

that's horrible.